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27 January 2011 @ 08:29 pm
 
i keep forgetting i don't live on the moon

i have rediscovered a culinary favorite of mine: red wine. in good company. beats almost everything

i have this recurring dream that i give birth to a half black baby (recurring = at least 3 times!). yes it is half black every time. the birth itself is never pictured and the potential father is never in the dream. main focus is me holding the baby and loving the baby but not having any money to support us, and i can't stop pondering its skin color.  WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

a: 'you're only wanting to come over now because you're drunk'
b: 'so what? you sound like a girl, be a man'

i used to be so mean and thought i was doing everyone a favor, including myself - i felt because i was endlessly disappointed in the male gender, i could get away with whatever i wanted saying 'i may be an asshole but i'm only adapting to what you've taught me'

i guess what i'm saying is you'll always risk getting screwed over but you still need to give people a chance, even second ones. you need to allow yourself to be happy, allow yourself to admit to WHAT makes you happy to begin with... sounds like a stupid cliché but is SO TRUE (well, chlichés happen to be true most of the time anyway)

couldnt care less about eloquence. i dont mean for this to sound good. i'm not a writer. i want to be a photographer in ny. thats stuck in my head for some reason. stuck stuck stuckstuckstuck do i want to follow my dream now? maybe later? maybe never? i'm not a writer. i have stopped writing. i have stopped thinking in writing. i think about black holes. red wine. blue skies. orange trees. yellow sun, big sun, beaches, surfing, brunch on beaches, sleeping on beaches, having sex on beaches, riding horses on beaches, walking thru NY streets, cool beers, old records, vintage fashion, flowy curtains, riding bikes, riding mopeds, riding cars, b&w film, art projects with friends, cooking, working for a good cause, rooftops rooftops rootops rooftop chilling rooftop parties, hot hot heat in the streets, white bed sheets, summer, i want summer...

but above all, i'm in love and i'm home at last because home is where he is
 
 
08 December 2010 @ 08:58 pm
 
this was not said by me, but i really kinda wish it was.

'I am a relentless gypsy. I go through cities like some ladies go through hairdos. As for hairdos, I always get the same one.'

that is all. i'm headed to berlin this weekend. then home. no wait, in the brief period between landing in SVQ and taking off from, well, SVQ, there will be a punsch party and another party in another city. christmas spirit abounds, although with 20°C and raging thunderstorms reminiscent of austrian summer the only real reason for feeling christmassy is looking forward to being reunited with all my loved ones back home. and um, cookies. and snow. if there is any left. don't tell me i missed out on the best part of winter.

so, apparently, i'm on a short break from vague list-writing. this will not last long, i promise.
 
 
06 December 2010 @ 01:27 am
 

music recommendations;
tracks that i have listened to the most in the past couple of weeks, some are brand new, recently released — i always follow recent releases on boomkat.com — , others are older, rediscovered. in alphabetical order for simplicity's sake, various genres ranging from dubstep to rock. i just feel like making a list, it has been a while.

2562 — enforcers
2562 — morvern
65daysofstatic — drove through ghosts to get here
amplifier — one great summer
arab strap — screaming in the trees
arthur russell — close my eyes
bonnie 'prince' billy — strange form of life
burial — forgive
burial & four tet — moth
calibre — even if
calibre — no reply
calibre — past imperfect future tense
caribou — odessa
commix — be true (burial remix)
commix — japanese electronics (instra:mental moog remix)
concord dawn — lost at sea
d-bridge — blush response (feat. instra:mental)
d-bridge — cast a cold eye
fink — walking in the sun
gil scott-heron and jamie xx — ny is killing me
henrik schwarz & amapondo — i exist because of you (henrik schwarz live version)
joker — digidesign
joker — snake eater
joy orbison — brkln clln
joy orbison — the shrew would have cushioned the blow
joy orbison — hyph mngo
leonard cohen — hallelujah
leonard cohen — suzanne
m83 — you, appearing
modeselektor — the white flash feat. thom yorke (trentemøller remix)
morrissey — i'm ok by myself
radiohead — house of cards
sébastien tellier — l'amour et la violence (floating points remix)
shackleton — international fires
sub focus — rock it
the xx — vcr (four tet remix)
trentemøller — rykketid
tricky — makes me wanna die
utah jazz — cloud nine
yann tiersen — c'était ici





 

 
 
17 November 2010 @ 08:42 pm
 

i went to morocco with my roommates and two other friends. we spent a day in marrakesh before heading to the desert via the atlas mountains in the early morn on saturday. we thought that either the mopeds in the narrow streets of marrakesh or the crazy drivers on the long winding curves in the mountains would kill us, but we made it to the sahara where we learned berber songs and had a lot of tea. the desert is like paradise a million years untouched. we lay on blankets in the cold night watching the 10 000 stars above and trying to guess if the question mark we saw was an actual constellation. the berbers were telling us that unlike the arabs each of them only had one woman because they only had one heart and how to find your way through the desert letting the stars lead the way. slept in tents in our clothes and got up before sunrise, went back to the city. our last night in marrakesh was spent smoking shisha in a remote café with two young shopkeepers we had met on djemaa el fna. we were tourists but we went a little further. i like to feel things, not just see them. i like to absorb new air, new smells, new languages, new lifestyles and try to adapt. so do the others, we were and still are deeply impressed.












 
 
MUSIC: fink
 
 
07 November 2010 @ 05:10 pm
 



and for all the love lost, i have gained more than enough

re-re-rearrange

circles broken and new ones, created

-there is no need to step out of-

lists are endless

futility

sense, define

Last loved:

sunday headaches / sunday haze

L'amour Et La Violence

erstwhile, all the while

'this is our stage!' - really

steep hills, reminiscent of home

You have reached the-

Harmony In Blue I-IV